Heartbroken - How to move from heartbroken to deep and lasting love

I can remember being sixteen and yearning for a love like the ones I saw in the Romantic

Comedies I watched with my girlfriends. I wanted to be the Prom Queen and have the football

captains love and adoration. I went from one bad relationship to the next until I found the man

that I would marry. He was so cute but to get him to talk, I would have to buy him two beer

first. If only I could talk to that twenty-year-old self, I would tell her she was worth so much

more even though I doubt, at the time, she would have agreed with me.

Nine years later, after the birth of my children, I left my then husband because I couldn’t teach

the same pain to my children. This was my first step to the life I now live; a life of confidence,

love and abundance.

The journey here was not easy, I messed up a lot. For the first five years, I didn’t see that I had

patterns. I would repeat the same bad relationships and beat myself up mentally for failing again

and again. I knew there had to be a better way but I had no idea where to start, I felt stupid,

frustrated and trapped in the life I was living.

What I see now is the life I was searching for outside of me always had to start first from inside

of me. I was heartbroken from the lack of love I had for myself. I did not love myself or enjoy

being around me. I would never sit alone and I would accept any scrap of love that was handed

to me from others.  

Healing myself and loving myself has led me to a lasting and loving relationship, both inwardly

and out. These are the steps to get there.

  1. Awareness

Until you are aware of the thoughts going through your mind you are walking blind in the

fog with no direction. Awareness is where everything starts. How do you find awareness? Stop

and listen. Sit quietly and write whatever comes into your mind. There is no need for it to make

logical sense, just bring it out and into the physical world.

2. Self-Knowledge

How do you fall in love with someone you don’t know? You have to get to know a person

to be in love. Just like a romantic relationship, you must get to know all of yourself. What do you

value? What makes you happy? What areas of yourself do you judge or fear? Describe yourself

without labels, what characteristics do you have? When we don’t question who we are it is easy

to believe the truths that our mind creates for us. Be authentic in your discovery. Like searching

for a buried treasure, you are on a quest to find your truest self.

3. Acceptance

You are a Human and you are not perfect, no one is. You have been wounded, loved,

taken advantage of and cherished. All of your experiences to this moment have been for you to

learn from. Some of them may have been difficult and you may wish for the outcomes to have

been different but they are over, there is no way to change the past. Accept all of it, your roles

and the roles of others. Learn from them and move forward with the lesson. Do something

different in the future.

4. Self Compassion

Be real, to be flawed, to be raw creates a platform from which you can lift yourself. Self-

compassion is giving yourself the love you freely give to others, giving yourself a break when

you are tired or when you mess up because you will mess up. Compassion takes you down off

the pedestal of perfection and creates space for you to build a loving relationship with yourself.

5. Self Love

Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? Or bought yourself flowers with an attached

love note? Self-love is more than just doing your nails or having a bubble bath. Self-love is

nourishing yourself, mind, body, and soul. Doing things from a place of love instead of self-hate,

and being aware of the self-talk and speaking back with compassion instead of judgment. We

forget how important it is to love ourselves completely, looking to outside sources to give us the

love we deserve; yet those relationships will come and go, you will still be there at the end.

6. Self Celebration

I used to create a goal, crush it and move on to the next without a blink. There was no

celebration, no acknowledgment for a job well done; my mind was never satisfied. Celebrating

the little things as well as the big things brings joy into your life! Life is a celebration! We are

here to learn and experience all that life has to offer and to do that we must celebrate!

These steps are the beginning to your next marathon run, they are a life long practice and

relationship with yourself. Creating life from the love of yourself radiates outward and creates a

physical life of love. The lasting love that you are searching for begins with the love you give

yourself and learning this changed my life forever and was just the beginning of creating the life

of my dreams.

Never again will I give myself to those who treat me with disrespect, who abuse me or feed me

with lies. I know I am worth more than what they can give me. You are worth more too, you are

always worthy of the life and love you dream of. Start with yourself and the rest will follow.

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Mollie Sommer is a Life Coach, Healer, Yoga Teacher, and the owner of Mollie Sommer Wellness in Kamloops, BC. Her life’s work is helping women move from feeling stress, depressed, helpless and full of anxiety into feeling empowered, positive and joyful. Mollie intuitively guides & teaches women by creating an open and safe space to learn and heal. She believes that life is extraordinary and that each of us are 100% worthy and capable of achieving anything we focus on.

Mollie can be contacted by email, molliesommerwellness@gmail.com

Facebook @molliesommer or @molliesommerwellness, Cell 250-574-5683
Website www.molliesommer.com