I can remember being sixteen and yearning for a love like the ones I saw in the Romantic
Comedies I watched with my girlfriends. I wanted to be the Prom Queen and have the football
captains love and adoration. I went from one bad relationship to the next until I found the man
that I would marry. He was so cute but to get him to talk, I would have to buy him two beer
first. If only I could talk to that twenty-year-old self, I would tell her she was worth so much
more even though I doubt, at the time, she would have agreed with me.
Nine years later, after the birth of my children, I left my then husband because I couldn’t teach
the same pain to my children. This was my first step to the life I now live; a life of confidence,
love and abundance.
The journey here was not easy, I messed up a lot. For the first five years, I didn’t see that I had
patterns. I would repeat the same bad relationships and beat myself up mentally for failing again
and again. I knew there had to be a better way but I had no idea where to start, I felt stupid,
frustrated and trapped in the life I was living.
What I see now is the life I was searching for outside of me always had to start first from inside
of me. I was heartbroken from the lack of love I had for myself. I did not love myself or enjoy
being around me. I would never sit alone and I would accept any scrap of love that was handed
to me from others.
Healing myself and loving myself has led me to a lasting and loving relationship, both inwardly
and out. These are the steps to get there.
Until you are aware of the thoughts going through your mind you are walking blind in the
fog with no direction. Awareness is where everything starts. How do you find awareness? Stop
and listen. Sit quietly and write whatever comes into your mind. There is no need for it to make
logical sense, just bring it out and into the physical world.
How do you fall in love with someone you don’t know? You have to get to know a person
to be in love. Just like a romantic relationship, you must get to know all of yourself. What do you
value? What makes you happy? What areas of yourself do you judge or fear? Describe yourself
without labels, what characteristics do you have? When we don’t question who we are it is easy
to believe the truths that our mind creates for us. Be authentic in your discovery. Like searching
for a buried treasure, you are on a quest to find your truest self.
You are a Human and you are not perfect, no one is. You have been wounded, loved,
taken advantage of and cherished. All of your experiences to this moment have been for you to
learn from. Some of them may have been difficult and you may wish for the outcomes to have
been different but they are over, there is no way to change the past. Accept all of it, your roles
and the roles of others. Learn from them and move forward with the lesson. Do something
different in the future.
4. Self Compassion
Be real, to be flawed, to be raw creates a platform from which you can lift yourself. Self-
compassion is giving yourself the love you freely give to others, giving yourself a break when
you are tired or when you mess up because you will mess up. Compassion takes you down off
the pedestal of perfection and creates space for you to build a loving relationship with yourself.
5. Self Love
Have you ever taken yourself out on a date? Or bought yourself flowers with an attached
love note? Self-love is more than just doing your nails or having a bubble bath. Self-love is
nourishing yourself, mind, body, and soul. Doing things from a place of love instead of self-hate,
and being aware of the self-talk and speaking back with compassion instead of judgment. We
forget how important it is to love ourselves completely, looking to outside sources to give us the
love we deserve; yet those relationships will come and go, you will still be there at the end.
6. Self Celebration
I used to create a goal, crush it and move on to the next without a blink. There was no
celebration, no acknowledgment for a job well done; my mind was never satisfied. Celebrating
the little things as well as the big things brings joy into your life! Life is a celebration! We are
here to learn and experience all that life has to offer and to do that we must celebrate!
These steps are the beginning to your next marathon run, they are a life long practice and
relationship with yourself. Creating life from the love of yourself radiates outward and creates a
physical life of love. The lasting love that you are searching for begins with the love you give
yourself and learning this changed my life forever and was just the beginning of creating the life
of my dreams.
Never again will I give myself to those who treat me with disrespect, who abuse me or feed me
with lies. I know I am worth more than what they can give me. You are worth more too, you are
always worthy of the life and love you dream of. Start with yourself and the rest will follow.
Mollie Sommer is a Life Coach, Healer, Yoga Teacher, and the owner of Mollie Sommer Wellness in Kamloops, BC. Her life’s work is helping women move from feeling stress, depressed, helpless and full of anxiety into feeling empowered, positive and joyful. Mollie intuitively guides & teaches women by creating an open and safe space to learn and heal. She believes that life is extraordinary and that each of us are 100% worthy and capable of achieving anything we focus on.
Mollie can be contacted by email, email@example.com
Facebook @molliesommer or @molliesommerwellness, Cell 250-574-5683